HUMOR – This week I read “The Time Machine” by H.G. Wells and watched a Stephen Hawking documentary about time travel on Netflix. The good news is that I accidentally became an expert on the subject of time travel. The bad news is that having a time travel expert in your midst is not as valuable as you might think, for two reasons.
First, according to Stephen Hawking it is impossible to travel back in time, despite what “Back to the Future” would have you believe. Forget about going to the “Enchantment Under the Sea” dance and helping your parents fall in love with each other. Doc Brown lied to us all.
Second, until someone manufactures a bus or a spaceship that travels near the speed of light, mankind is unable to time travel into the future.
What does time travel have to do with the Supreme Court overturning the Defense of Marriage Act, you ask? At this point I am sure that my editor is wondering the same thing.
Suspend your disbelief and imagine if a SunTran bus could travel near the speed of light.
Let’s pause for a moment and allow that mental image to sink in.
First, the City of St. George would see exponential growth in the areas of tourism and bus fare revenue, but more importantly we would be able to glimpse the long-term results that the overturning of DOMA will have on society. My prediction: The federal government will recognize gay marriage. But I am more interested in seeing how much more power our Federal government will have another century down the road.
I have read through the Constitution a few times – under duress in political science class, but still. I have read it. Correct me if I am wrong, but the only power that the Constitution grants to the federal government is to regulate commerce, form an army, a navy, and a post office, coin money, declare war – things like that.
I have not found any mention of the federal government having the power to decide who can and cannot marry. We gave them the post office, coining money, forming an army, and more. Isn’t that enough? I think that is enough to keep hundreds of stuffy politicians occupied if they do the job right.
This may seem naïve of me – I also wish Monopoly money were real – but why does our federal government have anything to do with marriage? Why is our federal government able to grant marriage benefits to one group of consenting adults while simultaneously criminalizing the marriages of another group of consenting adults?
An 1878 Supreme Court decision criminalized the marriages of many members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Forget receiving marriage benefits. Their marriages – marriages between consenting adults, not the kind you read about involving pubescent girls – were deemed criminal.
I will admit that polygamy is not for me. Gay marriage is not for me. Rap music and Wal-mart also annoy me greatly. But this is a free country. I think the federal government should stick with raising the price of postage stamps and buying $2,000 toilet seats for our military. I would even be okay with our federal government developing a light-speed bus. Just stay out of our marriages.
Elise Haynes chronicles family life in her blog Haynes Family Yard Sale. Any opinions stated in this column are her own and not necessarily those of St. George News.
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