‘It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine’

HUMOR – Somewhere, R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World” is being overplayed in honor of the day made famous by the doomsday prophecy connected to the Mayan calendar that ended on Dec. 21, 2012.

Somewhere out there are some last-minute doomsday preppers who are making sure they have all of their receipts in order so they can return hastily bought survival items to the nearest Wal-Mart or sporting goods store.

For the rest of the world, there may have been a slight sigh and shrug of disappointment as people had to wake up and return to the daily grind of work, school, and in some cases, last-minute combat shopping  for Christmas presents.

The Mayans, Nostradamus, Edgar Casey, and more recently Warren Jeffs, have all thrown their hats into the ring of doomsday prophecy. Though Jeffs may yet be vindicated. According to KUTV, Jeffs prophesied the end of the world is actually this Sunday. The Mayans may simply have been off by a couple of days.

On the eve of the new millennium, I worked at Hurst Ace Hardware in St. George and witnessed people stocking up on batteries, generators and other end of the world essentials before the evil Y2K took hold and destroyed our modern world.

Anticipating the inevitable flood of returns following New Year’s Day – and the continued existence of humanity no less – the management at Hurst sold all generators and similarly high-priced items with the disclaimer that they couldn’t be returned for a refund or store credit.

Yes, not even store credit. They were that serious.

As can be imagined, not everyone who bought into the Y2K scare was too happy after the fact – though why you would wish for the downfall of civilization just so you could feel justified about your store purchase?

That could actually make for a great movie plot: A mad scientist destroys the world just so he can finally use his survival gear that’s been collecting dust since 2000. At least the plot would be somewhat original. I’d watch it … what?

There is a possible bright side to not being able to return the generators though. If those Y2K preppers still have their generators, then they’re already set up for backup power when the zombies start showing up.

It’s easy to treat the end of the world like a big joke due to how often it seems to be brought up by long-dead civilizations or the psychic-of-the-week featured on Coast to Coast AM. It’s the modern boy-who-cried-wolf story. Still, there’s nothing wrong being prepared.

So, as R.E.M. so elegantly put it: “Its the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”


Ed. Note: Reference to Warren Jeffs’ doomsday prophecies in this opinion piece is included by the writer in jest.  St. George News is mindful that Jeffs’ actions and directives affect others and may be covered soberly in our news content.

Mori Kessler is the Assistant Editor of St. George News and an all around nice guy who should be given milk  and cookies. The opinions stated in this article are his and not representative of St. George News.

Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @MoriKessler

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2012, all rights reserved.

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  • Roy J December 22, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Wait! I thought Warren Jeffs meditated on the Mayan calendar and gave the end of the world a grace period until this Sunday?!?! That’s what I heard somewhere anyways…

  • Roy J December 22, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Oh well, I guess I should read the whole article from the beginning before posting next time…Woot!

  • Tyler December 22, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Lmao at all the people who actually believed this crock of sh** and blew money on prepping for it!!

  • THE PROPHET January 1, 2013 at 9:51 am


  • Messiah January 1, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Now that the pedophile is in jail our children our safe. Our young sons can have a wife that some oldman hasnt raped.

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