What the HAYnes? The things presidential candidates do

Image by Brett Barrett, St. George News

HUMOR – Apparently there is a big-deal election coming up in a few weeks. We are expected to vote on a few things, not the least of which is a new president – you know, of the United States. The leader of our country. Commander in chief. The guy or gal who wields the power to pardon people and detonate nuclear bombs and part his or her hair like a nerd and get away with it.

When it comes to choosing a new commander in chief, some people resort to watching the presidential debates, even though they would rather be watching “Dancing With the Stars.” Some Americans take this decision seriously, some do not. However, as tweeter Clay Johnson said, “Watching the debates to figure out  who to vote for is like watching the World Series to figure out which team to root for.”

At this point in the game, it may be too late for your vote to really matter. If you live in Utah, chances are you feel that your vote does not matter anyway. So instead of trying to persuade you to vote either way, today I am going to clarify a few things that have been misconstrued during this election campaign, just for fun. It’s either this or fold my laundry.

I will begin with President Obama’s performance in the first debate, which was widely criticized by Republicans and people who are not Democrats. If you recall, Obama was accused of being overly defensive during the debate, his demeanor petulant and just plain cranky at times. It appeared that he did not want to be there.

This is why the president acted the way he did and it had little to do with the content of the debate: He did not want to be there. He obviously would have preferred to be home with the first lady watching “Dancing With the Stars” and eating Doritos for his anniversary, instead of going toe-to-toe against Governor Mitt Romney, with his humongous pension and his fancy hair.

I cannot blame our president in this circumstance. If I had to spend two hours debating and defending my job performance ON MY ANNIVERSARY, I would be peevish, too. And you know that he knew that once the debate was done he was headed out of the Mitt frying pan and into the Michelle fire. If Barack was grouchy, can you imagine how Michelle must have been that night? A woman who had to spend her wedding anniversary at a political debate? I am guessing it was a rough night in the East Wing.

On to Mitt Romney. While there are a few gaffes in Romney’s recent past to choose from, I will focus on the most recent. Please restrain your groans as I attempt to define what the Republican candidate meant when he said, “I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks?’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

Unless you have been living under a rock, surely you have noticed the hundreds of “binders full of women” jokes that are making the rounds on the internet. And why not? It is an easy joke. If you are on the opposing team, it is an easy opportunity to make your opponent look like a male chauvinistic, female-objectifying caveman. With fancy hair and a humongous pension, don’t forget.

To me, his reference to “binders full of women” says less about Mitt Romney’s attitude toward women and more about the fact that at one point in his career he had to select job applicants based on resumés that were stored in binders. Binders that were surely prepared by women’s groups.

This is why so many people would prefer to watch “Dancing With the Stars” over the presidential debates. This election stuff is exhausting. And that is why I am going to vote for the candidate with the nerdiest hair part.


Elise Haynes chronicles family life in her blog Haynes Family Yard Sale. Any opinions stated in this column are her own and not necessarily those of St. George News.

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2012, all rights reserved.


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  • urbandesert October 20, 2012 at 9:19 am


  • urbandesert October 20, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Even the SL Trib SUPPORTS OBAMA!! A huge milestone for Utah!!

  • Roy J October 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Probably the wisest commentary on the presidential debate to date! Woot!

  • Murat October 20, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    This article contains nothing of merit.

  • DoubleTap October 22, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Murat is confusing his comments with this article.

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