He Said She Said: Can We Stay Friends?

can we still be friends?
Photo by Bina Sveda | stock.xchg

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and it’s been really hard to move on. I didn’t want to end it, but I felt like I couldn’t tolerate some of the things he did any longer. Every few weeks, he’ll call me or text me and ask me to come back. We start talking again and then he goes silent for a few weeks – completely ignoring my calls or texts when he’s the one who initiated contact. I want to be friends with him at the very least, but I don’t like these childish games and I don’t understand why he does it.

He Said:

You can be friends with him, however that doesn’t mean that you need to be calling and texting him.  He is trying to have his cake and eat it too, and if you don’t like what he is doing then you should tell him in a direct way, and then stop initiating contact with him.

Also, if the contact with him is making it harder to move on, then I suggest you sever all communication with him, at least for a while.

She Said:

I suggest finding some inner pride and next time he calls, don’t answer or tell him “thanks but no thanks.”

There might be a part of him wanting to hurt you for ending the relationship, or maybe at one point he really missed you and wanted you back. But you’ve trained him that you are there whenever he calls, and that he no longer has to commit to you so he doesn’t have to be available when you call.

You broke up for a reason. Why aren’t you moving on? Or was this your way of testing if he really cared enough to fight for you? If that is the case, it is an unhealthy outlook on relationships and you may want to stay away from dating until you get a few things sorted out within yourself.

Ask Sean & Jen: email [email protected]

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