I’ve been dating someone for about a year and things seem to be slowing down. We still do a lot of the stuff he likes, but he doesn’t seem excited anymore and he doesn’t make plans with me as often as he used to. I really like him. How do I keep this relationship going?

He Said:

Chances are he isn’t feeling like he used to, and while he still likes you, he isn’t sure you’re the one.  He is most likely keeping his eyes open for someone else to come along.

My advice to you is: to keep things going you actually need to pull away.  Let him know in a nice way that you feel things are slowing down and that maybe you should take a break and date other people.  If you do this in a confident, unemotional way, it will help him to rethink what he might risk losing.

The tough part is, you must be willing to go along with your suggestion that a break is in order if he agrees to it – as hard as that will be.

She Said:

I’ve picked up on a couple things already: You are focusing more on how he feels than on how you feel – probably because fear is driving you;  you may be afraid that he is bored with you and so you spend your time doing what he wants.

Do you ever do what you want?  Think about all your hobbies and time together and ask yourself:  Do we spend time with my family and friends, or just his? Do we go out when I want to, or just when he does? Does he make time for the things I like to do, or am I catering to his wishes?

As surprising as this may sound in the face of such fears, maybe he’s bored with doing all of his stuff and he just needs a little more excitement!  It doesn’t take so much sameness as it does stimulation to keep the fire going – it might be time to bring your own chicken to the picnic.

Ask Sean & Jen: email [email protected]

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